Setting boundaries is one of the greatest self preservations skills I have learned. To be very honest, when I say learned, I mean I fumbled my way through it until I figured out what worked, most of the time.
What I did discover, is that being true to my own needs, desires and authenticity was the most important factor when it comes to boundaries.
When setting boundaries, there are a few things that I have found helpful to be mindful of.
1. First, get clear on what you need, as well as what you do not want. For example, if someone is constantly showing up at your house unannounced, be clear that is not ok, but also that you need them to call and schedule a visit. Often we can focus on what we don't want to be happening. Offering what you need can help to create more clarity around what is expected by both parties.
2. Remember, you do not owe anyone an explanation for anything.
3. Get ready for the pushback. Boundaries can make the receiver feel really uncomfortable. No one wants to feel like they have been doing something wrong. But, if they can't respect your boundaries, they don't respect you.
4. Guilt is a trickster. When it comes to setting a boundary, our conditioning is gonna get really loud. We have a biological need to belong, and when we feel like our belonging is being threatened, we will bend over backwards to please others, often abandoning our own needs, desires, or dreams. From the time we were kids, being forced to share toys, hug the creepy uncle or care for younger siblings, we have been trained to believe that saying "No" is selfish. IT IS NOT SELFISH. No is essential. Guilt can be the hardest to navigate. If this is where you struggle, I invite you into some intentional work, getting curious about what comes up for you when you say No. (they will get mad, won't like you, its easier to agree etc)
5. Super Hot tip - You only need to live up to your expectations. This means sometimes we also need to set boundaries with ourselves. Don't call the ex. Go for a walk. Drink more water.
6. Boundaries = Self Love. Without boundaries, we are living to serve in ways that feel overwhelming, heavy, and obligatory. Boundaries lead to authenticity and self love. They help us to live within our energetic capacity, so that we are reaching for what fulfills us, and brings pleasure and joy into our lives.
Be gentle with yourself as you learn this new skill. It might take some time, but it is totally worth it. I would love to hear about your experiences with boundaries, and how this skill has impacted your life. Comment below :)
PS - I have a free class called Badass Boundaries coming up! Check it out here https://www.krystaljannelle.com/service-page/badass-boundaries?referral=service_list_widget
Love and Magik